Maintaining Contact

As we all get used to the national anthem’s new lyrics, it seems the UK is slowly settling into this new Carolean era. To help us adjust, the Royal Mint has revealed it will issue its first ever double-monarch coin, marking the handing over of the reign. It’s a fitting tribute, especially given the close bond Her Majesty had with her son. If only all royal relationships were that harmonious.

Since the Queen’s death, much has been made in the media about an apparent truce between the Houses of Wales and Sussex – and whether it will hold given a lot of history and a hot new book. The situation is private, but does prove that even in the royal family, some relationships can be complex and contact difficult. If you’re struggling, you are definitely not alone.

The 1989 Children Act rules that local authorities and independent fostering agencies like Footprints should support and promote contact between a foster child and their birth family, unless it is not in the best interests of the child. The frequency of this contact, with whom and where will vary for each child, but the important factor is that it occurs.

Contact can help foster children develop their identity and feel valued, respected and appreciated. In turn, it can help birth parents or family to develop relationships and skills, alongside equally feeling valued and respected. Contact, however, can also be one of the trickiest parts of fostering.

For foster children, it can stir up all kinds of emotions. They may feel anything from anger to anxiety and everything in between. There are no hard and fast rules and no rights or wrongs. The challenge for foster carers is to make contact sessions as easy, happy and productive as possible for any children in their care. Difficult, but do-able.

So, if you’re a foster carer in need of renewed inspiration, supporting a carer, or simply interested – here are a few Footprints tips for maintaining contact and cool.

1. Check in with your child a few days in advance. Find out how they are feeling about their contact session and whether they have any questions. Their feelings may well change over time, so if you haven’t done this for a while, get together for an update.
2. Ask them what they would like to do when they see their family and give as much information about the session as possible. A feeling of ownership can go a long way. Finding out about the birth family’s interests can also help you find activities which will make everyone feel more at ease.
3. As frustrating as things can be a times, try to talk politely and neutrally about any birth family. Your child is a combination of their mum and dad, they may take negative comments personally, or they may feel obliged to pick a side. Everyone sharing their corner will feel much easier.
4. Plan quieter activities post contact. Your child may feel sad, lonely, confused or guilty for being relieved it is over. Low key time can allow them space to process with no pressure to perform.
5. Keep an eye out for behaviour changes before and after contact, understanding why your child is doing something can help both you and they deal with things.

Our aim at Footprints is to make contact sessions as smooth and useful as possible for everyone involved, especially the children in our care. If you want to talk further with us about anything, please get in touch. We love maintaining ‘contact’ with friends and foster families.