The Power of Pebbling

Let’s be honest, saying, ‘oh wow’, ‘aww’ and occasionally ‘eww gross’ can link watching a David Attenborough docuseries to living with a teenager. And now so can pebbling. Yes, the latest trend in teenage bonding and relationship-building is all about little things that build up to a big deal – and penguins. If you’ve got a teenager in your life, pebbling might just be the way they let you in to theirs, so, are you ready to discover the power of the pebble?

Pebbling is named after the adorable ritual of the Gentoo penguins in Antarctica. To show love, these thoughtful little guys and girls search out special pebbles to present as a token of penguin affection. The human equivalent swaps out actual pebbles for other small tokens which can be exchanged at little cost. It shows friends, family or a partner that you care and are thinking of them. For the trendy teens of today, it often involves sharing a TikTok or sending a meme with a nice message.

Now, we hear you cry, this isn’t new! You’re right, but now it is an official term so it must be good. Neurodivergent folks especially, have been speaking this love language for a long time. Communication and socialisation can be difficult worlds to negotiate for people with conditions like Autism. To navigate the minefield, the neurospicy community often utilise small acts of kindness as an effective and accessible tool to help build connections. The original pro pebblers.

It seems the key difference in 2024 is that pebbling is now more mainstream than ever, especially among young people. Bonding with teen foster children can be a hard slog sometimes, so a love language like pebbling can be a game changer. Well, a game improver at least. With nearly 40% of those in the care system estimated to be neurodiverse as well, the opportunities are obvious.

Pebbling can be doubly rewarding too. Not only do pebblers get to build relationships, they also get an extra shot of happiness on the side. Performing kind, pebbly acts causes the brain to release dopamine in recipient and instigator, plus seeing joy from your act releases oxytocin. That’s two happy hormones encouraging pleasure, trust and bonding – boom!

So finally, how? Pebbling really doesn’t take much time or money, just thought, understanding and care. The key is watching out for your teen’s interests, discovering their likes and going from there. Dr Cameron Caswell (she of many helpful TED Talks) has suggested three different types of potential pebbling opportunities to share with young people in your care:

1. Digital Pebbling – think sending a TikTok of an epic build to a Lego fan along with a short, caring message.
2. Real World Pebbling – think an affirming Post-It left on their desk or buying their favourite doughnut to enjoy after school.
3. Experience Pebbling – think spending time together watching an episode of their favourite series on Netflix or grabbing a coffee from a shop they love.

Pebbling is not a guaranteed route straight to your teen’s heart, but it is a start. In a world where foster children can crave connection, but also fear it, pebbling is a great opportunity for bonding. It is a little love language we should all learn. If you fancy talking pebbling further or anything fostering really, please contact us. We might even send you a meme back.